its beem so long..

and lots has happened
i feel i have become a new person
im stronger
i dont want to get my hopes up but its like everything is falling into place

realisation

i never realised that things can change in an instant
sometimes good
sometimes bad
sometimes things that you thought would always stay the same
i never realised untill now

getting there

shes starting to accept that maybe she is not as good as she used to be

leave it..

im over it

calling in sick

it started as nothing
then next thing its crazy
im sure that there is more to this than some hayfever that ive never goten before
i dont know
im not a doctor
but just so you know im calling in sick

maybe im overreacting

i am through with you
im ignoring your texts
im not listening when you speak
its over
im finished
ive had enough
i tried to be nice
but you shoved it in my face
so its over
i know it sounds childish but maybe thats what im like
maybe im overreacting
maybe im acting like im five
maybe im just trying to hold on
when really i should be letting go

it lies..

the mirror can lie
doesnt show you whats inside
and it it can tell you your full of life
its amazing what you can hide
just by putting on a smile

i admit

im scared
no wait im terrified
but its okay
i think...

beautiful

look up at the stars
they are soo beautiful
alone its just this tiny speck in the sky
but when you step back and see them all up in the sky then its amazing

i wish..

i wish i could find the words that would let you know your worth

i just need a minute..

wow wheres the time gone
i dont have time too blog anymore
i dont have time too have a life anymore
if i didnt have too sleep then i could get everything i needed too done
i hate time
i hate how you have too be somewhere at a certain time
about this time last week everything was perfect
seriously i was loveing everything
one thing that was tiny little changed that
and then something else happend
and then i failed yet another test
and then i was asked about my plans far next year
well thats just got me in a spin
truely ive forgotten about anything else that has made me confused or upset
im trying too figure out next year
i had it all planed out
i was going to go off too uni
get my degree
then be a teacher in a small town
have a few kids
then go back to taching
and then sometime after that travel to africa
and then come back and live happiley ever after
but now...
now i want too not do that
well eventually yes bu not now
i just want some time
i wan too go off and work for a year and then do uni in 2011
i want too quit school and leave the failing tests behind
leave the catty girls behind
but its too fimiliar and so im scared
im scared tha whatever i do ill end up on the street or something
im scared that ill loose everything if i make the wrong choice
or worse im scared that ill loose some things and they will be thie things that i cant live without
i need some time too think
i need some time too breathe
i need some time too escape

sweet smell

ahh home at last
i missed everyone to a point i never even thought was possible
one thing i didnt miss though was reality
golly gosh it hit me hard
expesially today
who knew that even when you were in a different country for over two weeks and only back for one day
its terrible but i think it will be okay
i think that everything is going too be fine though
im hoping reality is going too smell nice and that i wont want to tun away anymore

time out

okay so i have 6 min too blog
or else it will turn ff on me
i miss everyone like absolutely crazy aye
the weater is real nice over here and ive done heaps of shopping haha prety much out of money now
i found my ball dress i just hve to take mum too show here it tommorrow and i need to try it on haha i hope that it fits
5min left
i was walking down the beach before and im real sad cause i hate being alone like i really cant stand it and even though im with my family its not the same
i soo wish i caould run away back home
3 min
haha i cant type very fast
beka and cat i have presents for you okay
ohh and can someone say happy birthday too colin on his birthday from me please
2 min
i have too go
i love and miss you all
xoxo

ahh

i have 3.53min of time too blog
silly having too pay for internet like this
whooa scary plane ride over
but weathers great
already looking at a dress too buy it on sale for $100 down from $300 humm i soo wish that decisions like this were easy
i miss everyone xoxo

holliday

so at the moment im in auckland using a computer thats costing $2 for 15min haha crazy
i miss everyone soo much already and i have no idea how im going to last the rest of the holliday
apparently tonight there is ment to be thunder storm and tornatos
how crazy is that im a bit scared but i hope that its not going to be as bad as it sounds and that we can fly out tommorrow
ahh gosh running out of time
i shall update more when i find another place that is cheeper or something
got to get up and catch bus at ten too four in morning haha how exciting
update later
missing everyone
xoxo

3 years in the waiting

i leave in 1day 14hours 17min

when you choose to do something that you know right from the start to the end is going to be hard
im sure it makes it ten times worse
when you already know what its like
but say your not aloud to go back
its hard
but when you know its for the good
you are able to tellyourself you got to
sometimes..
in the end it will be worth it

everything is good

..well kinda
im putting everything aside for now
bacause its better to be happy
i want to be happy for all my life
i love all my friends and they make me happy and i realised i havent put much time into them which is a terrible thing to do and so im going to work on it
i have this amazing person in my life
his name is shaun
he makes me smile and always knows what to say
and his family are soo nice
ohh and peyton his daughter she is absolutely beautiful
im marrying shaun and he knows it too
what else is good in my life oh just had exam week where we only go into school for exams so ive had lots of time off which is cool and i dont have an exam today
and in 13 days i am leaving for holiday
with my family and we are going to australia
quite excited now
also a bit sad about it
but thats okay
see i told you everything was good
actually im just ignoring the sad bits
its okay though

does anybody hear her

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying But the canyon’s ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She’s another two years older
And she’s three more steps behind
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she’s going down today

east to west

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Draw the line

:

:

:

:

:

heres the line

yet to deside whats on each side

but i know its needed

gosh its hard

how far is too far

whats okay?

whats not?

i know its needed

but lets just forget it

and make it up as we go?

regret a good thing

i have too tell you that i dont want you to come down with me
you dont deserve too

last night was silly as i think there is seriously something wrong with me cause i get sad for no reason and i wont talk to anyone
so i decided to turn to what i knew would cheer me up
it wasnt ment to go any further
it was good for then but hasnt helped me anyway now

just because..

Today i feel like im just one mistake away from you leaving me this way..

i feel like this for no reason
ive lost hope
ive lost the strength to fight
ive lost the truth
but nothing has happened to make me feel like this
i just do

"Circus" by Britney Spears

The All-Eyes-On-Me-In-The-Centre-Of-The-Ring type. You love, you have to be; the centre of attention! Your life is full of drama, in fact, they may be basing a soap opera on it, so your just loving the attention. At times, people believe your life is actually a fiction book playing out before their eyes. In the words of Britney Spears "All Eyes On Me In The Centre of The Ring, Just Like A Circus!" Live your life up, but don't over work it!

i just done this quiz on face book on what my life song is and this is what i got

..

i cant believe how far ive fallen

ahh

ahhh i have too tell you
why did she have to say
everyone thinks its her
i hate it so much

its out there now

she said what i wanted to say
and its true
i just cant say it too you

lies wore

if you told me that i was going to get hurt i would of not believed you
i would of thought you were lieing to me so that i would lose something important at that point of time
i would of thought you were crazy
i would have thought you hated me
i would of thought that you hated them
i would of been so angry at you
i would have decided not to talk to you
i would hate you

i would not have realised that you had background info

i would not have realise that you cared

i would not have realised you were telling the truth

i would not have realised anyone but me

i would not have realised the hurt you were going through

i would not have realised the ammount of times you wanted to yell

i would not have realised you wanted to protect me

seeing it from another prospective makes me realise that sometime people actually dont want to hurt you. being in the oter persons shoes are harder than i thought all you want to do is protect your friend but they dont see that. if someone tells us something that we dont want to be true then we ignore it and then cut that person away from us because its easier to do that then face the truth

'the truth hurts, but the lies worse'

all of yesterday(well the interesting bits)

went to work at 8.51 am
while i was at work i found out about something that may come in handy may not?
well the other day i was asked how come the whipped cream in the can is on the top shelf but then there is one that is on the bottem shelf
well i had no idea so i asked the person i was working with and they didnt know either
soo yesterday i asked my boss and the answer..
well apparantly the one on the bottem shelf is yoghurt based
who would of guessed
well i was quite excited that i knew the answer to this and really wanted somone to ask but no noone did
so when my mum came in i was like mum ask me why the wipped creams are in different places
well she just thought i was crazy haha but at least i got to tell someone.
last night i made what i think is going to be a very cool phurchase
i got two tickets to go and see Basshunter
and with the wonders of the computers it just cost me five dollars extra to get them emaild to me so i could print them
yay so i have them right now
fast aye
soo thats quite exciting
when i went to bed i couldnt sleep because i ahve this thing on my mind and i have no idea what to do about it
so this person(person 1) is lying to my friend(person 2) and i found out about it
they are both very close people and i know if person 2 found out she would like go comepletly down hill..like thats no exsagtration at all
and see i want too be a good friend and tell but i also want to be a good friend and protect her
..oh yeah and i shouldnt even know about this because person 1s best friend told me and if person 1 found out they would get angry at there best friend and me
i dont know if that made any sense at all but well see haha
tommorrow i have no school cause its queens birthday so its a short week at school for me
but the week after that we have exam week
i only have two exams i thought i had three but nope
i really dont like exams but i know i cant stress too much about them
ohh and shaun went away for the weekend and isnt getting back till tommorrow night when im at work so i wont be able too see him till tuesday
thats a long time
and i cant even text him cause i ran out
guttard aye
haha oh well i must fly to church
wow this was a long blog

confuzled puzzle

have you ever watched a little kid do a puzzle?
they grab it off the shelf and straight away tip the bits out
then they sit there fustrated trying too put them all back but they didnt know what the end result looked like so its very difficult
then other children come and go and help putting bits in and the puzzle is slowly coming together
then theres this kid that comes along and wasnt really watching where they were going(or maybe they were?)and they step right thorough it and bits go flying everywhere but they just continue walking along like nothing happened..
then the chid is left to try find all the peices that went flying and put it together

its a bit like that for me at the momnent
the peices are hard to find cause you have spread them out
i dont know what the end result is ment to look like because i didnt take time to stop and look
people keep helping me but sometimes they dont help that much and i get angry and fustrated
i wish that i could do it on my own but i know i cant
but at the same time i dont want help
because it makes me feel usless

if you cant then no one can

when the people that should care dont how are you ment to believe that the ones that dont have to care do?
how mucked up is that!

..

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside of my head, tellin'
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost in no direction,
My faith is shakin'

dont look back moment has gone..

wow been a while
everything has been soo crazy
last week i was walking too church and it was so windy that i decided too walk backwards so that i wouldnt mess up my hair
i remeber the sky looked so horrible and dark grey clouds and looked like out that way it was raining
i was starting to go off track a bit so i turned back around and walked normal and guess what i saw
a beautiful rainbow
its crazy i had been spending all my time looking backwards at the horrible weather that had already past over my way instead of looking forward to where i was going

this is what im doing at the moment looking back at the storms and not forgeting about them i am remebering what it felt like to be covered in it
to cry in the rain
i need to turn around and look to where im going
but when i do i look too far i get scared
im soo scared
its different to what im used too

let the rain fall down on me

sometimes i like the rain
sometimes i dont
at youth group the other day we were talking about storms
i love the idea of this
okay so this is what mine looks like..
theres always rain
always
i like it when its spitting because its easy too walk in. you dont have to worry about being protected you can just keep walking
then it starts too get a little harder the rain drops slowly get bigger and mess up your hair and makeup and so on
but its still easy too handle
sometimes
then theres the storm where its crazy and theres wind and your blowing away and you have too keep your head down so you cant see where your going and then it makes it easy too get lost

only last week my 'storm' was far from a storm
i had a rainbow in the sky it was the after
it was soo good
its not like that now
its raining
quite heavy
the sun is somewhere in the background but i cant see it
and unfortunatly i have left an umbrella and jacket behind so im quite vunrable

unbelievable

truely and honesty i cant believe it
life is great
its like finaly everything is falling into place
theres the few little bump
but thats okay because the sea cant be perfectly flat sailing can it?
i cannot understand why this is happening
i feel like i cant deserve it
im not complaining truely
just questioning
im going too take this and try too keep it for as long as i can
and dont think of stopping me

you

i can remember the first time i saw you
it was crazy
i felt like for that one moment that i looked at you everything stopped
among all the people around all i could see was you
i had absoultely no idea who you were
all i knew was i had too get to know you
im soo absoultely glad that ive got too know you

one way or the other

i want too but i dont
i can but i cant
im happy but im sad
im soo confused
maybe i should but mabye i shouldnt

arghh

i want too scream
i have no idea what is wrong though
im sure everything is fine
everything is going good

ohh yes

im quite in love
http://shop.princessbridalgowns.co.nz/popup_image.php?pID=199&osCsid=815a78498794845eb7fe0b50518c265c

the one thing i want in a guy..

all i want is a guy that would kiss and dance with me in the rain
thats kinda two things aye?
oh well
that would be soo cute though dont you think
i think it would
cause i dont know how it gets better than this you take my hand and drag me head first fearless
and i dont know why but with you id dance in a storm with you in my best dress fearless

tick all the right boxes?..

im on my lunch break at the moment and kinda happy but not..
i have been talking with my boss about my self assesment thing and she couldnt understand why i had put my self with low marks and she put me with higher marks.
i was told i have to stop putting myself down because im just as good as everyone else
everyones the same and no one is better than anyone else
that kind of stuff
when you assess/judge someone else its different too when you look at yourself
your told to treat everyone the same
well what if you do but yourself isnt included in that
i think thats what i do.

last week

thursday night last week
i still remember it

it was crazy

like everything just

turned around

i couldnt tell what was right

and what was wrong

i did something i shouldnt have

something i know was wrong

i coulndnt help it

i had too

it seemed the only way out

but turns out everything is just the same

week too remember..

• sleeping in
• photos
• lying in the square
• photos throwing leaves
• cathering getting bird poo on her from doing that
• traveling for a hour for a picnic
• going to the 'best fish n chips place' (they werent that great)
• having lunch at like four
• feeding the ducks
• counting 14 passing lanes
• going into shops we could never afford
• parking in a hour parking for 7 hours
• going into wedding dress shops
• going too new world with a trolly then leaving with two lollypops in it
• feeling soo sleepy then lying in bed and talking
• introducing catherine too taylor swift
• going on the kids train too the playground
• dying eachothers hair
• random shopping trollys in the street
• making pancakes with a banned ingredient
• having too cut the toast in half too fit it in the toaster
• buying matching pjs
• macDs everyday
• mini frozen cokes
• whiteboard marker on the window
• keys nailed too a block of wood
• guys mooning catherine
• going too the movies
• meeting up with aaron and shaun who we didnt believe would hitch hike just for macDs
• when we were dringking our frozen cokes and got told too get off the stair
• walking through drive through at 2 in the moring in our pjs
• then going back around because we forgot too get sauce
• buyng coloured tights
• wearing my pink tutu for the day
• and going into ucol with it on(scary)
• trying to get a membership at video places
• walking onto town
• meeting guys that could jump over tables
• finding catherine a ball dress on sale and then getting $5 off it again
• op shop shopping
• having fun!!

Silence continued..

i hate the silence cause it screams the truth.

..

Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life

Silence

i love being around noise
any kinda of noise becasue i hate silence
when your in the silence its always the loudest
like all these voices going through your head
all trying to yell out at you at once
its quite confusing
just thought id share that lol

bullet proof..or not?

you might think im bullet proof but im not
i cannot take the way that you are towards me anymore
ive put up with it for way too long
so manytimes ive let it go pretended that i didnt hurt but time and time again you keep hurting me
i dont think you understand what it does to me
when i try to make things better you just make it worse
it turns back on me
i have absolutely no idea what ive done wrong

i dont care anymore
ive thought long and hard and you are not worth the pain
i take a step back
let you go
i told you im not bullet proof
now you know

its a matter of prespective

its kinda crazy but its true

everyone sees things differently

if you see a guy and a girl together you assume they are a item

if you see friends laughing togeter you assume they dont fight

if you see a girl smiling you assume everything is fine

we are soo too quick too judge situations

sometimes you have to see life through another persons eyes

take a second too see what they see

listen too there side of things
i have this smile that covers up soo much things

i wish you would take the time to see things through my eyes first

Another star in my life

okay so ive blogged about my star catherine
well theres another star
her name is Beka
Beka you are a star
you are so georgous
you are so pretty
you bright up a room when you walk in
you have the most cutest smile
you have this thing where you always seem to text me the right thing at the right time
we are new world buddies lol
beka i love you
and im ment to be doing some english homework right now lol so i must go
keep on smiling
ill see you at youth group tomorrow
xoxo

Failed

Ahh dont you hate it when you fail something
im not talking about failing school im talking about failing a friend
Failing yourself
you can never make it up to your friend
they ask you to do something and you try to but your attempt fails
so you not just failed yourself you failed them
you let them down
i cant believe it

to you my friend..

Dont walk in front of me i will not folllow
Dont walk behind me i will not lead
Walk beside me and be my friend

My best Friend ever
CATHERINE
Catherine your a star
straight up i love you
you walk beside me whatever happens
you pick me up when i fall
you know the right words to say
you have a a smile that lights up the sky
you are absolutely beautiful
you have the whole world in your hands and can do anything you want in life
you are yourself
hehe and there is soo much more i could say but i must run now
hehe love you
keep smiling
have a great week
xoxo

i dont know if you know

i cant really tell at the moment if im up or down
left or right
right or wrong
broken or fixed
week or strong
i just dont know anymore
i didn't know if you knew so i'm taking this chance to say that i had the best day with you today

drunken words..?

its scary when you know that your doing something that you shouldnt do but for some stupid reason you continue to do it anyway
possibly im doing things i know that i shouldnt too hide all my hurting
actually i am
im trying to hide everything because maybe thien it will go away
its like the other day when i was drunk i started to cry saying i dont like this i dont want to feel like this any more
everyone thought that it was just the achohol but isnt drunken words the ones that you dont say the words that you hide
i kinda want someone to like just be there
i dont want someone that is going to tell me they know how i feel
i think i want someone that would try too help me
i think i need someone that wiil hold me
someone that will let me cry with them for ages
someone that wont let me go

Fearless

To me, "FEARLESS" is not the absence of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you've been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again...even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. It's FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they'll never stop doing, I think it's FEARLESS to stop believing them. It's FEARLESS to say "you're NOT sorry", and walk away. I think loving something despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright...That's FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. Because I think love is FEARLESS

the 7 things i hate about today

today has been one of those days thats like arghh
summary
*got my school report
*got blamed for something i didnt do
*got heaps of mean texts
*my friend hates me
*i been thinking about things wayy too much
*i saw something today which reminded me of something bad and scary and almost cried at work
*i dont have a clue where anyone has gone so im alone
so thats seven things just like that for today
and trust me the list could go on
i soo just want too scream or do something crazyly silly right now

yes, no, maybe so?

people have been telling me things that they observe and im starting to think i might be giving people mixed messages
particually guys
well this is not a good thing
although at the time i dont even notice what im doing which could be a bad thing in the long run
when you feel better doing or saying things should you think about how it could effect the other person or be 'leading them on'
i really dont see anything bad with my what people call 'flirting'
but turns out everyone else does

happy times

today i went on a walk
i got up at half five and it was real dark so i was scared so i sat in bed and waited till a bit after six when it wasnt pitch black haha there was even still some stars up in the sky while i was walking cool aye
then because chris said last night he wanted to join me i let him and it was different when your with someone else
haha we herd some roosters crowing actually heaps were going off and then even a cow
but it was too cloudy too see the sun rise as good as i usally do..but thats okay
then me and nicole did the breakfast club at school and had 11 people come which was waay more than the last time we did it when no one turned up lol
this afternoon i brought a bed spreed for my bed and im quite liking it because i have been wanting it for ages and it was finally half price cause i didnt want too pay $60 for it lol
then when i was walking home i saw a rainbow and then another one a bit away from it which made my day
and well in all this happy stuff there was somethings that bring me down but lets not go into all that because im happy now
:)
ohh and im getting my hair cut tomorrow which i still dont know what i want too get sone too it lol but ill figure something out

long time no see

hehe gosh its been a while
well i dont have much time too post much
but wow church camp was awesome
someone told me something that i shall keep forever
something that makes me soo happy to know

if i were a boy..

sometimes i wish i was a guy

there life seems soo much easier

although i could be wrong?

girls like fight about everything

they are seriouly the worst thing in the world

they bitch about everything

talking about eachother behind backs is got too be the worst though

i have been on both sides of the 'backstabbing'

and i absolutely never realised what it does too a person

everytime you say something bad about someone it makes that person sink that little bit lower

even if you think they dont know what your say they always find out

when you find out what people say about you it makes you feel all these types of things

you kinda lose yourself

nothing makes sense to you anymore and then you like beleive the things that those other people say

and then you get like real paranoid and think everyone is saying mean things about you

and then you dont believe the nice things and you feel like people are making fun of you when they say it

then everything just goes downhill

if there is one ting that i could say too people it would be that

never talk mean about people behind there back because you dont know what is going on with that person you dont know how its affecting them you have absolutly no idea oh yeah and if you feel like talking about others will make you invisable from that happening too you well im sorry but you are wrong

trust me i found out the hard way today

flip away

when everythin turns around what do you do
do you try too turn it back the other way
or do you let it fun itself and see what happens

Sseeventtteeen

yes im 17 today
which is quite exciting
ive had the coolest day today
hehe at work on the loud speaker it said
stacey from cold shelf...happy birthday
that was quite cool lol
then lots of people that wouldnt usally even say hello too me said happy bithday
yay
and even though i said i didnt want any presents i got heaps yay
this is going too be a good year

Pink Tutu

today was mufti day at school
and i decided to wear my pink tutu
im so sick of how everyone gets all stressed about what too wear because they are afraid of what people will say about you
yeap i used to care so much about what people would think of me
i was so scared that they would judge me by the clothes that i wear
cause that is what people do these days
so anyway i wore my pink tutu
a few looks up and down and some questions as to why i was wearing it plus some sniggering going on(which is so ovious)
but thats okay
i dont mind what people think of me anymore because i am me
and im not going to follow the way everyone else dresses if i dont like it
humm i think the hardest part of today was when i noticesd my friends talking about what i was wearing
gosh you wouldnt think that your own friends would do that to you
but its okay
im proving a point that i dont care anymore

love friends

i got these two bracelets one says friends and the other says love

when i look at them on my wrist i read them as two thing that are important

friends and love

yesterday i was playing with them on my wrist and looked and noticed

'love friends'

it was at that moment that loving your friends is way more important than love itself

would you ruin your friendships for a guy?

well i did and its the most stuiped thing i ever did

i was so blind and never notice what it was doing to my friends

what i was doing to my friends

the truth is guys let you down

and no matter how many times they say they wont

no matter how many times they say they changed

no matter how many times you believe them

they will continue to let you down

oky im not talking about every guy of course because everyone is going to find there someone

im just talking about that guy that you cant let go

..back to the friend part lol

your best friends will always be there for you no matter what you do

best friends are the ones that act silly with you

best friends get KFC the order is always the same everytime we go lol

best friends drive around in the car on all the back streets because nither of us acutally have our full

best friends sit on the playgound at the park just looking at the sky

best friends drive into the country then turn the music al loud as it will go singing our hearts out

best friends swap dresses for the ball

best friends can sit and say nothing but still feel like they had the best conversation

best friends text eachothers boyfriends telling them how lucky they are to have someone that talks about them all the time

best friends record the most sillyest conversations on there phones and listen to them just for a laugh

best friends almost get the motor bike rolled but dont tell anyone else so we dont get in trouble

best friends yell out to people to stop being mean

best friends take lots of photos together then laugh at how silly we look

best friends make you smile even when you feel like not

best friends have yelling conversations because we are both trying to be heard over eachother

best friends go moshing together and almost die

best friends talk to randoms about nothing imparticular

best friends wave to cars going past to see how many people wave back

best friends dress up together to show everyone we dont care what they think

best friends hold eachothers hand to go to the toilet

best friends do lots together

best friends tell eachother everything

best friends are friends forever

forget to forget

no matter what i do
i always forget to forget you..

Good enough?

its like everything i try too do she puts me down
and then i feel like i cant do it so i give up
there are other people that can do it way better than me so why even try?
am i kidding myself to believe that im better than i really am?
its all so confusing in my head
i feel like running and hiding away from everyone
leaving this world behind
is that something i could do?

burst my bubble

wow been a while



okay where to start

well i did my walk for two days but it was raining today so i decided against it
it made me feel real good about myself doing it aye and real happy
that was untill..
my friend didnt believe me that i could get up and do that by myself so she said i need to show her proof
how do i do that gosh thats like not possible
she totally burst my bubble
and she has been all week
its not fair how people think that theyb are more better than you and look down on you so badly
cant we all just be the same
well this friend makes everything my fault and then everyone turns on me and i feel so alone
gosh there a things that i would so like to say to her but im not that type of person so i hold it in
sucks though

me and me?lol

lol so ive been board today and thought i shall take a photo with me and my camera

hehe isnt she lovely

wow guess what last night i read somewhere that getting up earlier and going for a walk each morning makes you feel better about yourself or something like that so i decieded that i would go for a walk each morning

and well its going to start out as walking and then running and then ill be the fastest person ever

well thats the goal

anyway i slept through my alarm and so did marie haha

and somehow i managed too turn it off while sleeping

crazyy

haha

ill try again tomorrow

:)

Love Story

But you were everything to me

And I was beggin' you

Please don't go

And I saidRomeo take me

Somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting

All that's left to do is run

You be the Prince

And I'll be the Princes

It's a Love Story

Baby just say Yes

Romeo save me

They're trying to tell me how to feel

This love is difficult

But it's real

Don't be afraid

We'll make it out of this mess

It's a Love Story

Baby just say Yes

alright this song is the most cutiest song ever

i herd it like just after christmas on the radio and was like OMG i love this song but i didnt know who sung it or what it was called so i listened too the radio all the time untill i heard it again lol

i am soo loving Taylor Swift at the moment her songs just all have so much meaning im also loving the song tied together with a smile

although i cant seem to find her cd in town so i think ill just have to stick too listening on the internet for now lol

i think that i shall write about somthing really cool

i got a camera wich is my very own

and its pink

im soo loving it aye

Danielle calls it Dorothy

hehe Dorothy takes pretty photos

and thats that

:)

Truely

Everyone keeps asking me how i am..
i reply that im great
the truth?
well i truely think that i am not fine
i feel as though my whole life has turned upside down in like seconds
i feel as though there is nothing that is ever going to make it go back
i feel like something has been taken from me
forever

i truely have no idea how i feel
all i know is that its not great

.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference

turned around

okay so everything was going great
and then out of no where
im left completly alone
and my whole life just seems to go upside down
now i have no idea what too do
i mean i did nothing wrong to deserve this did i?
do i go on like im fine?
or do i completly break down?

The end of it all

today i was told something
this something has hurt me
its left my heart in milllions of bits and peices
and well i dont know if it will ever be fixed

tied together with a smile

Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
You cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

stop the river

man i dont know whats up with me today
thismorning i couldnt really sleep so i got up at seven and went inside
then everything made me feel like crying
then i went to church and stil i felt like crying like at any second it was going to come out
so after i walked home in the rain and cried
i just cried
and now im home(alone for the night) and im still crying ahhh i just cant stop

what a failure

this suck
ahh yesterday i had work at twelve which ment i wouldnt be able to see my exam results till i had finished
six hours later and im almost running home in my long work pants and top in like almost 30 degree temp(okay i not actually sure what it was maybe less)
the first thing i do is go to the computer
man i was soo gutterd
i tried so hard and studied and even sat by myself in some classes to work
ahhh why did i put so much effort into what i know i couldnt do
i had 15 papers
and only passed 4
that means i didnt pass 11
11 papers
i thought i was doing soo well
ahh makes me so angry at myself
then my friend who actually did better then me was upset at herself so i forgot about me and thought about her
but then it made me feel like everything she said about herself she was saying back too me not because thats what she thought of me but because i must be waay more stupid and waay more dumb than she says she is
ahhh i wish that i could get away from having to go to school and tests and exams
im just not good enough for it all

here we come..

alright so in like nine whole days is parachute 0h nine
oh my gosh im soo excited
haha and i seriously lay in bed for ages just thinking about it
like how you do the night before christmas..event though im like wayyy too old to be excited about santa..

well anyway i have so many exciting plans for parachute
me and catherine are dressing up because why not go crazy its not like anyone there will know you
so anywho this is our outfits soo far
bright pink tutus
fluro orange roadworkers vests
pink spray mist bottles..so we wont get too hot haha
a lovely pink flowery umbrella
orange or black leggings with boxers over top
pink leg warmers
pigtails..and catherine you are soo doing that :)
ohh glitter
and funny sayings on our backs..suggestions welcomed :)

hehe ohh and we are doing morning arobics sessions

im afraid to say that i dont know much bands that are going but the ones that i do know of im soo excited about seeing ohh and luke thompson i soo love him and he is on mainstage yay

ohh and moshing thats going to be fun
haha i told my grandma about going moshing and shes like 'oh are they finding you heaps of gardens to do' haha i dont think she quite understood it lol but when i explained what it was and all about the death circles she was like 'oh that sounds not very fun at all'

hehe i dont think i could possibly explain the excitement that im feeling lol but see the silly smile on my face and it will explain it all
:)

...

day by day goes by and it feels like nothing has changed but when i look back i realise everything changed
and then its too late