its like..

i cant eat
i cant sleep
i dont feel
its like im empty
but i cant explain it
its like
im sad,mad,,worried,confused,scared,unsure,angry,hurt,lonely
but im kinda happy
its strange

one day

one day soon ill change the world

its beem so long..

and lots has happened
i feel i have become a new person
im stronger
i dont want to get my hopes up but its like everything is falling into place

realisation

i never realised that things can change in an instant
sometimes good
sometimes bad
sometimes things that you thought would always stay the same
i never realised untill now

getting there

shes starting to accept that maybe she is not as good as she used to be

leave it..

im over it

calling in sick

it started as nothing
then next thing its crazy
im sure that there is more to this than some hayfever that ive never goten before
i dont know
im not a doctor
but just so you know im calling in sick

maybe im overreacting

i am through with you
im ignoring your texts
im not listening when you speak
its over
im finished
ive had enough
i tried to be nice
but you shoved it in my face
so its over
i know it sounds childish but maybe thats what im like
maybe im overreacting
maybe im acting like im five
maybe im just trying to hold on
when really i should be letting go

it lies..

the mirror can lie
doesnt show you whats inside
and it it can tell you your full of life
its amazing what you can hide
just by putting on a smile

i admit

im scared
no wait im terrified
but its okay
i think...

beautiful

look up at the stars
they are soo beautiful
alone its just this tiny speck in the sky
but when you step back and see them all up in the sky then its amazing

i wish..

i wish i could find the words that would let you know your worth

i just need a minute..

wow wheres the time gone
i dont have time too blog anymore
i dont have time too have a life anymore
if i didnt have too sleep then i could get everything i needed too done
i hate time
i hate how you have too be somewhere at a certain time
about this time last week everything was perfect
seriously i was loveing everything
one thing that was tiny little changed that
and then something else happend
and then i failed yet another test
and then i was asked about my plans far next year
well thats just got me in a spin
truely ive forgotten about anything else that has made me confused or upset
im trying too figure out next year
i had it all planed out
i was going to go off too uni
get my degree
then be a teacher in a small town
have a few kids
then go back to taching
and then sometime after that travel to africa
and then come back and live happiley ever after
but now...
now i want too not do that
well eventually yes bu not now
i just want some time
i wan too go off and work for a year and then do uni in 2011
i want too quit school and leave the failing tests behind
leave the catty girls behind
but its too fimiliar and so im scared
im scared tha whatever i do ill end up on the street or something
im scared that ill loose everything if i make the wrong choice
or worse im scared that ill loose some things and they will be thie things that i cant live without
i need some time too think
i need some time too breathe
i need some time too escape

sweet smell

ahh home at last
i missed everyone to a point i never even thought was possible
one thing i didnt miss though was reality
golly gosh it hit me hard
expesially today
who knew that even when you were in a different country for over two weeks and only back for one day
its terrible but i think it will be okay
i think that everything is going too be fine though
im hoping reality is going too smell nice and that i wont want to tun away anymore

time out

okay so i have 6 min too blog
or else it will turn ff on me
i miss everyone like absolutely crazy aye
the weater is real nice over here and ive done heaps of shopping haha prety much out of money now
i found my ball dress i just hve to take mum too show here it tommorrow and i need to try it on haha i hope that it fits
5min left
i was walking down the beach before and im real sad cause i hate being alone like i really cant stand it and even though im with my family its not the same
i soo wish i caould run away back home
3 min
haha i cant type very fast
beka and cat i have presents for you okay
ohh and can someone say happy birthday too colin on his birthday from me please
2 min
i have too go
i love and miss you all
xoxo

ahh

i have 3.53min of time too blog
silly having too pay for internet like this
whooa scary plane ride over
but weathers great
already looking at a dress too buy it on sale for $100 down from $300 humm i soo wish that decisions like this were easy
i miss everyone xoxo

holliday

so at the moment im in auckland using a computer thats costing $2 for 15min haha crazy
i miss everyone soo much already and i have no idea how im going to last the rest of the holliday
apparently tonight there is ment to be thunder storm and tornatos
how crazy is that im a bit scared but i hope that its not going to be as bad as it sounds and that we can fly out tommorrow
ahh gosh running out of time
i shall update more when i find another place that is cheeper or something
got to get up and catch bus at ten too four in morning haha how exciting
update later
missing everyone
xoxo

3 years in the waiting

i leave in 1day 14hours 17min

when you choose to do something that you know right from the start to the end is going to be hard
im sure it makes it ten times worse
when you already know what its like
but say your not aloud to go back
its hard
but when you know its for the good
you are able to tellyourself you got to
sometimes..
in the end it will be worth it